Feb 17, 2006

Mother and child

In my childhood, we had my dad's aunt and her family living with us. Two of my dad's cousins were very laidback, lazy and until their 30's hardly did any work. Everyone used to tell them that their mother (my granny) didnt inculcate any sense of responsibility in them. In the MGR's song 'Indha Pachai kilikkoru sevvandhi poovai' (from 'Pallandu Vazhga') there is this funda
Endha kuzhandhaiyum
nalla kuzhandhaidhaan
Mannil Pirakkaiyiley

Avan Nallavanaavadhum
Annai VaLarppiniley
She was a staunch MGR fan; but she didnt agree with this funda. She said the mother had little/no control over what the child would become later. Obviously, when some reference was made w.r.t. her children, she would stress upon the point even strongly. Well, I am not talking about big-time baddie like a serial killer.. but someone who has more bad qualities than good ones.

What do you say about this philosophy? Was MGR/Kannadasan right?


Anonymous said...

i disagree with Lyrical genius Kannadasan. A mother can only teach/tell good qualities and morals to a child, but she is not instrumental in a child turning into a good or a bad person.


Anonymous said...

perhaps it should be,

"Endha kuzhandhaiyum
nalla kuzhandhaidhaan
Mannil Pirakkaiyiley

Avan Nallavanaavadhum
avanvan thalaieyuzhuthiniley" LOL

Sriram :-)

வேதா said...

hi raju,
nalla oru matter-a discuss panniyirukeenga. i think kannadasan is right upto a certain extent. entha kuzhanthaiyum nalla kuzhandai thaan, but the atmosphere in which he grows also play a great part in his behaviour, so mother alone cannot be blamed or famed for his bad or good behaviour. a child listens to his mother or father only upto a certain age, athukapparum avan thalai ezhuthu ennavo athu thaan nadaka pothu.

Hell's Angel said...

our life is in our hands.. skills or whatever shud be inherent in us.. u cant expect any1 2 inculcate..

Raju said...

Sriram, she isnt? In the Indian conditions, the mother has a big role to play in what kind of environment a child can get, right?

LOLon ur modified version ..
Veda, what prompted me to write this post was, there is an Indian family here, the child is about 5 y.o. Both the parents hold PhD degree but the child is like the 'infant-terrible'. While the father is mostly busy with his work, the mother is busy much of her evenings with hosting other friends/cooking. Hardly did they spend time with the kid 1-to-1. Until a month ago, he didnt even know how to read and write; didnt know even numbers 1-10. Contrasting it with another well-taken-care child, who is less than 18 months old, who could tell numbers 1-16. One more family came here, in which the child, despite being younger than the kid I am talking about, could read and write.. this suddenly awoke the parents; now, the mother is strict on the child and he learnt things pretty fast.. He is still a naughty child, which the parents still have to work on.
Hell's Angel, True.. our life is largely in our hands. Skills are all fine; but when you talk about good vs bad habits, which to a good extent govern the kind of person one would become in the future, dont you think the mother has a role to play in it?

PD said...

Good point Raju. I fully agree with you. My wife does not. In fact it is one of fav classics but I am not allowed to sing (or hum) it because she disagrees with that idea.

aruna said...

kannadasan is right !! A child being good or bad can depend upon mother. But only as long as s/he can be called as a child. After they cross that stage, its on their own.

The p.hd couple story u said is very common now. people dont understand that if taken care by the nanny, the kid would only develop intelligence as that of the nanny, and not as the genes from his p.hd parents.

Raju said...

PD, oh.. you too have this close link with this song? interesting.. :-)
Aruna, mm.. I agree with you.. I think the parents have a responsibility atleast until the child is 10-12 y.o., IMHO.

My friends dont leave the child to the nanny; they simply dont concentrate on him. Being a single child, he has teh danger of being the spoilt.

ashok said...

in my opinion...

mother's (parents) influence 25%
friend's influence 25%
society's influence 25%

another 25% depends on the individual/could be anything....

raz said...

Raju, konja nal athan oru puillai avan amma kaila irupan appuram... rekka molacha parava paranthudum pa...

Anonymous said...


Why do you all hunt? No need to waste time.

Our Tamil Bard the great Thiruvalluvar said clearly & emphatically on the duties of parents / wards - monumental :

Duty of father (one can take both father and mother) to make the child grow big, in the right way and he or she becomes an outstanding example in society - I mean people should wonder seeing his achievements. (Avaiyaththu mundi iruppa seyal)

After the child grew sufficiently big and became a responsible man or woman, it is his or her responsbility to say what great 'thavam' their parents did for begetting that person in this world! Thirukkural is always a ready reckoner. First, it is parents' duty to walk on the right path. (Magan thanthaikku arrum udavi ivan thanthaiyum thayum en notran kol enum chol!) Life's achievements depends on all these basically plus..............



Me too said...

"potruvaar potralum thootruvaar thootralum pogattum Ammavukke"!
On the other hand, I know of people with unattentive parents (during their young age) who I am surprised to see leading organised lives! Another question that is eating my head is can upbringing change basic natures(genetic inheritance)?

மு.கார்த்திகேயன் said...

The song is from Neethikku Thalaivanangu..not from Pallandu Vazhga.

Actually the line is too good..My mother will quote this whenver i do wrong..This is a usual MGR thathuva songs..

Raju said...

Ashok, an interesting split-up.. The friends also do matter a lot; since the mother has a say on what kind of friends the child has and also the immediate environment, her stakes would go up, wont they? An update on the reply to Veda's comment: the child is actually 6 y.o.; I came to know only y'day. And he is learning to read and write only now. The mother is little scared of the cats and she has passed on the fear to the kid. The father, who doesnt have much interest in the proceedings of the lives of his and his family, compared what Jeejabhai did to the great Shivaji. I think the job of the parents doesnt end with giving birth to a child, putting him/her in a good school and saving money for his future. The best investment, IMHO, would be in the quality time the mother spends with the child.
Raz, LOL.. Mazhalai thamizh-le vilayadiyirukkeenga.. What you said is right but the life during the time the child stays with the parents has to be carefully thought and spent.

Raju said...

Manian, thirukuraL solvathu unmai. I have seen many couples taking the 'bringing up the child' matter very lightly; in this modern society of both parents working, it is very crucial that the child's young brain is given the most priority than anything else, IMHO.
Aparna, LOL.. the mom is like captain of a cricket team/director of a movie.
I think there is no strong evidence of 'taken-for-granted' basic nature; a child looks up to the parents (esp. mother), so lot of what she does would govern its behavior.
Karthikeyan, oops.. I didnt check it before posting. My bad..
Though it is an MGR thathuva song, it is unique, since it has a take on personal life, rather than the society or religion.

visithra said...

i have to agree with kannadasan at least 60 percent is the parents and familys fault not the mother alone

kids are spoilt by them - and when all their whims are turned a blind eye - they always want to challenege their borders see how far they can go against set borders - and theres where the spoilt child becaomes a spoilt brat - a treeible teenager and a useless adult

Raju said...

Vis, well.. until this generation, the 'housewife-type' mother was the one who was instrumental in raising the children, by and large.. Added to that, the general affection a child develops on his/her mother.

IMHO, love to children is like sugar.. Too much of it, and as u said, turning blind eye to their whims is not the best way to upbring. I agree with you.

Ramya harish said...

kannaadasan said 'Valarpiniley'.. So the child gets influenced by his surrounding world..if parents r working also, paati n thatha shud teach him good morals,virtues by telling stories of ramayana , mahabharatha or any story with a moral..these will impact a lot in later stages.. ofcoz mom shud not deprive the child of her love n affection n have to careful not to pamper too much also.. a parent should give the child his own freedom and observe carefully and correct him when his path is wrong..

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